Colleagues-With both immutable glee and a considerable immutable resolve I write this memo to share some glorious news. Not long ago, with the darkly stunning decision of our leaders to protect a vast marine island habitat, we experienced a major setback in the global war on evolution, one that caused me considerable grief and despair.
This is a war we MUST continue to fight, and not waver in our resolve, if we have any hope of ridding the diabolical scourge of evolution on this planet.
But, oh how quickly our spirits can be lifted!!!
I've just received this confidential document from a Blader Industries, Inc. associate running deep cover in a brothel located on the outskirts of the Hong Kong city center. I don't need to add that she secured this information at great personal risk of contracting a venereal disease. But I digress.
The document describes that a group of Darwinists out on chautauqua have concluded the inevitable extinction of a large fish, the rare white river dolphin or baiji (Lipotes vexillifer), a species thought to have migrated into and populated the Yangtze River basin some 20 million years ago. Talk about wearing out your welcome!! LOL!!
Well, I could go on and on, particularly about the wisdom of a large fish "evolving" that is completely incapable of breathing underwater, but here is the money shot:
Randall Reeves, chairman of the Swiss-based World Conservation Union's Cetacean Specialist Group, who took part in the Yangtze mission, said expedition participants were surprised at how quickly the dolphins disappeared.That's our mission colleagues. Let's once again become masters of our own destiny: Let's end evolution, one whole branch at a time.
"Some of us didn't want to believe that this would really happen, especially so quickly," he said. "This particular species is the only living representative of a whole family of mammals. This is the end of a whole branch of evolution."