Friday, June 16, 2006
Bush Orchestrates Major Setback in Global War on Evolution
I awoke yesterday from a long sleep, deeply disappointed to see that my good friend and former copulatory industry angel investor and visionary, George Doubleyou Bush, has flip flopped on an crucial issue. He has signed documents recently creating the largest marineland national monument in the Hawaiian archipelago, preserving a unique ecosystem for generations to come. This is disturbing for a couple of reasons.
Firstly, you hate to see a world leader of his stature flip flop on any issue. You stake a claim and hold on to it fast. But this is the kind of flip flop that will resonate loudly both domestically and internationally. My goodness, what will our enemies think? This morning, his spine looks to have the tensile strength of an overcooked piece of rigatoni.
Secondly, and most importantly, I can't imagine a worse setback in the global war on evolution. Everybody knows that islands are hotbeds of evolution and speciation. This decision preserves not just one, but several isolated ecosytems upon which evolutionary processes will run completely unchecked. This sets back any hopes of stomping out evolution in our childrens' life time, something we'll need to accomplish ruthlessly and deliberately, one archipelago at a time, if we have any hope of success.
Finally, in this decision, he shows an uncanny ability to ignore and jettison his political base on the right for obviously expedient, but unclear, political purposes. We elected him because he promised to protect our homeland from the evil forces of evolution. Through this flip flop, he has forsaken us when we least expected it.