Thursday, June 14, 2007

Southern baptists place global warming blame squarely on earth

The Southern Baptist convention, the largest denomination of evangelical christians anywhere, have just issued a statement that blames the earth for global warming and absolves humans, but not scientists, from any sins attributable to poor stewardship of the planet.

The resolution says the “record shows that global temperature has risen and fallen cyclically throughout geologic history” and that "there is absolutely no reason to think that the earth isn't playing tricks on God's creation once again."

The resolution continues to make the extraordinarily precise statement that says, "the scientific community is divided regarding the extent to which humans are responsible for recent global warming. If anybody has sinned, its the beady-eyed Darwinists with their false idolatry and secular humanism and whatnot and so forth. "

Finally, the resolution finished by stating, "Christians are called by God to exhibit dominion over the earth, and if it gets too warm, not that we think it will, it will be our job to pray to God to let Him know it is time lower the temperature and that should fix the problem."

Thursday, June 07, 2007

How to know when too much copulation is too much?

Whenever conducting public information forums, it never fails that someone in the audience stands up during the question and answer session to inquire, "Blader, when I'm copulating, how do I know when it is a good time to stop?"

It is a great question.

And the answer is usually, "I dunno. How do you know its time to go to bed? I mean, you just know, right?"

Well, truth be told, that answer always bothered me. It seems intuitively obvious, but at the same time, is dismounting behavior truly intuitive and is it really like knowing if its bedtime?

So, I got my boys on it.

Now, thanks to the tireless effort of a crack team of researchers funded by Blader Industries, Inc., now we know how we know when the moment to stop is just right. And, it turns out, the same genes in your bodies that regulate your awake and sleep cycles, the genes that say when to go to sleep and when to wake, those controlling your 'circadian rhythms', are also the same genes that tell you when it is time to dismount following a robust copulatory burst!!

Of course, its fascinating to consider the ramifications of this study. Specifically those showing that a male fruit fly with mutations in clock genes will copulate, on average, 30-50% LONGER than his non-mutant colleague.

And isn't ironic that one of these genes happens to have been called, 'period' long before its involvement in copulatory behavior was discovered?

Unfortunately, a mutation in 'period' only prolongs male copulatory endurance. The same mutation in females has no effect. Let's hope there is a work around for that one.

Oh! This one has so many possibilities!