tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-188499932024-03-23T21:33:45.775+03:00Blader, international man of leisure without portfolioBlader Industries, Inc., Because copulation isn't always a biological imperativeBladerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12381208023240553003noreply@blogger.comBlogger61125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18849993.post-56269957015390586892009-06-25T20:28:00.003+03:002009-06-25T20:35:05.811+03:00Farrah Fawcett RIP<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.curtistucker.com/uploaded_images/farrah-fawcett-poster-758335.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 650px; height: 451px;" src="http://www.curtistucker.com/uploaded_images/farrah-fawcett-poster-758335.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />An entire generation of strapping, breathless and smiling young bucks was silently tucked to bed each night by Farrah and her nipple. Softcore poster porn will never be the same. Our mothers didn't tear these off of our bedroom doors because, I guess, because Farrah had the authority of being on TV.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.curtistucker.com/2009/05/my-farrah-fawcett-poster.html">h/t to curtis tucker.com</a>Bladerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12381208023240553003noreply@blogger.com39tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18849993.post-65706165465307925262009-01-21T23:29:00.001+03:002009-01-21T23:33:54.215+03:00Great Moments in Kazoology: v4.12<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/7RMI-tvgBm4&hl=en&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/7RMI-tvgBm4&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Bladerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12381208023240553003noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18849993.post-72187697869426070022009-01-20T17:34:00.003+03:002009-01-20T17:39:28.205+03:00V.P. Cheney injures back moving; wheelchair boundV.P. Dick Cheney is apparently ok, but a little sore after<a href="http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5hAHmdloQdikJJGpufaL87sLwh60gD95QI8600"> hurting his back lifting boxes</a> while packing to move.<br /><br />Blader Industries, Inc., has acquired a recording of Cheney's performance in his very last daily national intelligence estimate meeting with the Bush administration:<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/wxrWz9XVvls&hl=en&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/wxrWz9XVvls&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Bladerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12381208023240553003noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18849993.post-90467590352361470692009-01-20T03:58:00.003+03:002009-01-20T04:26:56.416+03:0024 Plot Prognostication: Noon to 1pm<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQMBkWscGcc41wObnGe9j-29QtTQf_0yoTFpMlfcCpjNLkmEXYFGEEcJ2cBhNYn3SA1O7wdCC_62C_cfzFjavhMl3hTO-65-KHOy9_e_B_YITHHx9fyQlipWF3HM_PtxElrXXt/s1600-h/24+main_pic.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 158px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQMBkWscGcc41wObnGe9j-29QtTQf_0yoTFpMlfcCpjNLkmEXYFGEEcJ2cBhNYn3SA1O7wdCC_62C_cfzFjavhMl3hTO-65-KHOy9_e_B_YITHHx9fyQlipWF3HM_PtxElrXXt/s320/24+main_pic.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5293181102152151986" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">The following will happen between noon and 1pm:</span><br /><br />When we last saw Jack, the Prime Minister of Sengala had just been spirited into his safe room, to evade pursuit by Emerson's team of rouge mercenaries hell bent on enriching themselves while destroying Western Civilization. Using a 6 iron cast from 40/10 steel grabbed from a golf bag lying nearby, Jack was futilely clawing at the safe room, attempting to gain entry.<br /><br />When the hour begins, Jack will have found the room's ventilation duct. Emerson instructs his agents to remove the duct, and begin farting into register so as to smoke the Prime Minister and his wife from the room. She goes comatose, the Prime Minister relents, and the two are captured.<br /><br />Jacqueline Bowers, who had tortured Sniper Tanner to learn of this plot against the Prime Minister, arrives too late to stop the kidnapping, but not too late to make eye contact with Jack Bauer. She is red-headed livid, if you catch my drift. Jack finds this very appealing, and using just his eyes and a penetrating gaze, explains that there isn't enough time to fully explain that he is not, in fact, a bad guy. She is unconvinced, but also inexplicably experiences a deep rooted sexual stirring which she mistakes for an urge to torture someone, so runs back to the hospital to nail Sniper Tanner again.<br /><br />President Taylor finds herself in a horrible conundrum. She's been frustrated all morning by the fact that the government IT department refuses to allow that a simple way exists to construct a new firewall against the terrorists. Then she gets really mad when she calls them at noon, only to find out they've all gone to lunch and won't be back for the hour.<br /><br />She then has her 37th argument with Ethan Kanin, her Chief of Staff, about whether it would be better to allow innocent Americans die, or innocent trible Africans in some out of the way 3rd world emirate that nobody has ever heard of before. Kanin, brilliantly, continues his Socratic approach to helping her work through this problem. Sure, Kanin seems like the evil insider, but that is a bit too obvious at this early hour. Our projection algorithm is uncertain on this point.<br /><br />First Ladyman Henry Taylor continues his free fall into madness. It finally becomes clear that his quest to find the murderer of his some is but a stylistic metaphor representing his lost car keys.<br /><br />Saving our most remarkable projections for last, we have calculated with 97.373602% certainty that A) Jack will not torture anyone in this episode, even benevolently, and B) the bumbling Agent/Director Moss will still not be fired from his position for botching absolutely everything about this investigation.<br /><br />Finally, Tony's wife will remain dead.Bladerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12381208023240553003noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18849993.post-48658629889088867212009-01-20T02:47:00.004+03:002009-01-20T03:58:30.936+03:00How'd we do? 10a-noon<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV4x0lDmlMDtDXl3BL_uO4jsdoz_5YASMZcCW1LClkazdSupqLSSpO2rd98d_7BrMtPCXe3pk2eZHCmLhxa-rTtf3S2tqi7bjt0PxbvJWWqy6vEtxJgO7dhsbP9ZgAkPnhyDpz/s1600-h/keystonecops.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 230px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV4x0lDmlMDtDXl3BL_uO4jsdoz_5YASMZcCW1LClkazdSupqLSSpO2rd98d_7BrMtPCXe3pk2eZHCmLhxa-rTtf3S2tqi7bjt0PxbvJWWqy6vEtxJgO7dhsbP9ZgAkPnhyDpz/s320/keystonecops.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5293167734778676034" border="0" /></a>Just as we predicted, Jack Bauers asked the stunning red-headed FBI agent, Jacqueline Bowers, to be his girlfriend. And she accepted, if only briefly.<br /><br />She broke off the relationship because her uber boss, Agent director or something Moss, in a fit of jealousy, kicked Jack Bauer off the case. <br /><br />But not before Jack, while crushing his windpipe, heard Tony utter a top secret cold red alert message "deep sky" known only to CTU agents and now everybody else in the world. As you see, we correctly predicted Jack would torture Tony, but really, a Namibian yellow tailed newt would have seen that one coming, so not a lot of credit is owed us for that one.<br /><br />Rightly suspecting Tony is, in fact, a good guy, Jack then called 411 to get the number of the CTU headquarters to find out just what the heck is going on here, and we soon learn Rumsfeld viewed CTU as a threat to his planned hegemony over US government intelligence operations, cutting it back to a skeleton staff consistenting of Bill Buchanan and, fortunately, Chloe.<br /><br />Receiving the call, Bill, a bit frustrated with Jack for interfering in an extremely urgent top top top top top secret undercover operation involving Tony--so secret that Bill is now disguised wearing a beard--and told Jack, who he hadn't seen in years, all about it in about 30 seconds.<br /><br />This was fairly predictable. Tony was, of course, quite despondant, not only over the loss of his wife, but also because of his own death. But, hey! No way a CTU agent like Tony turns on his government. Only a complete buffoon would think that is even remotely possible. Fortunately, for the purposes of drama and plot, such a buffoon in the character of David Emerson is currently running a Blackwater-type mercenary intelligence service comprised of said renegade and disaffected former government agent ne'r do wells.<br /><br />It seems the most significant plot aspect we missed was that, in order to escape from FBI headquarters, Jack, in a poignant moment unlike any other in the series, was forced to skillfully torture Jacqueline to within a heartbeat of her life. We also failed to predict that the FBI would stop to question why Jack, after working so hard to get Tony into FBI headquarters, would suddenly work harder to spring him. Fortunately, the real writers of the show failed to get that into the plot, too, so the issue is a push.<br /><br />Thus, one can fully understand why Jack and Jacqueline had to break up. Indeed, when Agent Bowers awoke from her near death experience, she swore a blood oath to capture and kill Jack Bauer. Since he'd long escaped by then, she went over to the hospital and tortured Sniper Tanner instead. Speaking of Sniper Tanner, we admit failing to predict that Sniper Tanner, who suffered a gunshot wound to his upper thorax in the 8-10am period, would be hospitalized in the 10a-noon episode with an abdominal gunshot wound.<br /><br /> FBI Agent Jacqueline Bowers is a breathtakingly beautiful woman, especially for a redhead. But if we've learned one thing, characters in 24 who seek vengeance against Jack Bauer tend to be short lived. So we're afraid it won't end well for her. She'll be truly lucky if she never catches Jack.<br /><br />Of course, as predicted, Jack and Tony managed to escape from the heavily fortified FBI headquarters. The FBI agents were rather hapless in this regard. Indeed, we had predicted the two would evade a Keystone Cop-like pursuit, but had presumed they'd be chased by a Chechen mafia, not elite FBI operatives.<br /><br />What we appeared to have missed in our prediction was that the organizing plot element for the entire day is the blackmail of a hopelessly unsure President Taylor by the Chief Shaman of a small, otherwise unremarkable African country if not for the fact that it was orchestrating the genocide of 1,583,798 people under his control. She now faces the difficult decision between two horrible choices. If she stands up to the terrorists and those who support the terrorists tens of thousands of anonymous negroes living in a remote, unheard of African village will face death at the sword of General Duma. If she stares the terrorists down, thousands of US citizens who voted for her in the last election will die.<br /><br />Oh, yeah..... and a collaborator of this African Shaman exists within her close inner circle--most likely her husband, who is slowly going insane because their son who probably didn't commit suicide was buried with the only set of keys to their BMW. We missed that one, too.Bladerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12381208023240553003noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18849993.post-8690329103759372942009-01-13T19:33:00.004+03:002009-01-13T19:53:01.465+03:00The world seen from a dog's point of view<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4ZlyXHiPF-sKkkeui2k0jMTXzstW8XTWari1ZsF4OFmXUa11ajxsK-WlzUGhPDEyNK5izDi2Yv76T0ZBeXq1w7rrSBIiBsRkGbrQzp2m93sWAXcA_OvORikVKV5dIjei6bjSB/s1600-h/corndog.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4ZlyXHiPF-sKkkeui2k0jMTXzstW8XTWari1ZsF4OFmXUa11ajxsK-WlzUGhPDEyNK5izDi2Yv76T0ZBeXq1w7rrSBIiBsRkGbrQzp2m93sWAXcA_OvORikVKV5dIjei6bjSB/s320/corndog.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5290818008999865026" border="0" /></a>Did you ever wonder what colors your dog perceives? If you haven't, don't worry, because <a href="http://blogs.psychologytoday.com/blog/canine-corner/200810/can-dogs-see-colors">other people have</a>.<br /><br />She isn't blind to all colors, she just doesn't see red and greens like her master. But she sees blues and yellows pretty well.<br /><br />The picture at left is a composite. On the left is a picture that I took out in a mid-western corn field, while out walking Blader dog. On the right is the same piece of corn but the picture was taken by Blader dog, after I got her to sit still for a while and focus on the task at hand.* It is almost like you can't really blame Blader dog for acting like she thinks she is on another planet.<br /><br />If you don't have a dog who can be trained to take dog-view pictures for you, then you can use <a href="http://homepage.mac.com/lpetrich/ColorBlindnessSim/ColorBlindnessSim.html">color blindness simulators</a> to achieve a similar effect.<br /><br />*<span style="font-style: italic;">warning: do not attempt this trick with shepherds, pointers, poodles, spaniels or especially terriers and mixed-breeds thereof</span>.Bladerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12381208023240553003noreply@blogger.com43tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18849993.post-53135485234941683702009-01-12T23:54:00.003+03:002009-01-13T01:02:18.872+03:0024 Plot Prognostication: 10a and noon<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAX2psYPANaSLryE3MJgZor9rrja6V1s-4ltUyrIdF03OWe_HWOe2gFY6Ijy0-oMOytxyCGlhzQabWA-syxTmwVMZGTHEiQDHQLsVwnd1NyQBvShqHDyBoZZatMhfVEeN6FJm8/s1600-h/24+main_pic.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 158px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAX2psYPANaSLryE3MJgZor9rrja6V1s-4ltUyrIdF03OWe_HWOe2gFY6Ijy0-oMOytxyCGlhzQabWA-syxTmwVMZGTHEiQDHQLsVwnd1NyQBvShqHDyBoZZatMhfVEeN6FJm8/s320/24+main_pic.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5290513483436032994" border="0" /></a> <span style="font-weight: bold;">The following will happen between 10a and noon:</span><br /><br />When we last saw Jack Bauer, he was waving sheepishly at a helicopter hovering just overhead carrying the evil FBI taskforce overlord Larry. <br /><br />Jack had just captured his BFF Tony Almeida just an instant before Tony would have blown out the brains of the plucky and stunningly attractive red-headed FBI special agent, Jacqueline Bowers. In this episode, it will be revealed that Evil FBI boss Larry is not a Chechen operative, but instead possesses a paralyzing middle-school crush on Jacqueline, and will become enraged when he discovers that Jack and Jacqueline have tacitly agreed to be boyfriend and girlfriend...tomorrow, when the crisis has been narrowly averted.<br /><br />Careful viewers of the previous episode will note that Jacqueline, in perhaps the most inspiring fit of telepathic harmonic convergence ever depicted upon TV, has correctly deduced that the Chechen terrorists possess not some disposable, slobbering whimpy computer software engineer, but a real evil and omnipotent plug and play "device" that can be connected to an computer running on a Windows-based operating system and used to regulate the power grid, dams, air traffic, sewage treatment plants, air traffic control systems, porn sites...virtualy anything that can be plugged into (and unplugged from) the entire intergoogles!<br /><br />In capturing Tony, Jack and Jacqueline were forced to humanely slaughter his small, incompetent band of Chechen rebels, including Sniper Tanner, thus destroying any further leads they might hope to have developed. <br /><br />Therefore, the brave but despondent duo will transport Tony to the FBI rendition and torture facilities. Other than the time Jack Bauer tortured his own daughter in episode 5, this will rate as the most difficult torture scene in the entire 24 franchise, simply because Tony is such a good friend....and of course Jack's heartless sadism. A disciple of the master Sun Zi, Tony will provide almost no useful information other than a delicious recipe for <a href="http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2757020965377727091">cirdingis</a>, a traditional Chechen meal which is otherwise known as Grozny's answer to kung pao chicken. This recipe will be of no immediate help, however, since there won't be enough time to stop for lunch. <br /><br />Nevertheless, the revelation is enough to save Tony from death by torture because it will force Jack to realize Tony is under the control of some other being. Tony will be saved once again after the three are attacked by agents of Tony's Chechen borg, while driving a government issue tan Ford SUV. The SUV will overturn during the assault, and explode in a fireball just after Jack and Jacky drag Tony from the vehicle, which had somehow magically transformed into an identically colored Jeep Grand Cherokee moments before the explosion.<br /><br />Tony will subsequently be released upon his own recognizance after turning over his passport and keys to his boats and cars. Tony will then be subpoenaed to testify before the congressional committee, where he will suddenly fly into a fit of rage, pull a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Nichols">Brian Nichols</a>, and die again.<br /><br />Just who are these evil terrorists who love terror so much that they'd create a computer device that can rule the world? And just what do they seek to achieve with this device?<br /><br />We have hints suggesting that the true evil mastermind behind this ingeneous and technologically sophisticated plot is none other than the leader of a rebel militia of kidnapped child soldiers from some backwater African emirate. <br /><br />However, our sophisticated modeling software, inspired by the work of Intergoogle Star Nate Silver, consistently yields a 98.9732829083730q6246775595% probability that the true mastermind is that disturbing <a href="http://images.businessweek.com/ss/06/09/ceo_socnet/image/burger-king.jpg">clown king</a>.Bladerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12381208023240553003noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18849993.post-12835282818157759792009-01-12T22:01:00.004+03:002009-01-12T23:13:11.360+03:00How'd we do? 24 Plot Prognostication: 8a-10a<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhN0YDFMv0Js2f2EzSYYzx_ZLCfCnCcnjhDuRXEcmO9bPZUG_S3IeGZHJgVOK0l0IRKXBXvwUqhoxJWIP9oKO1ukUfR_vCp69-O8fzANAnwuL05Dg5hTJ_Z50agwtOh0Sd81H2p/s1600-h/Jack+Bauer+II.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 259px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhN0YDFMv0Js2f2EzSYYzx_ZLCfCnCcnjhDuRXEcmO9bPZUG_S3IeGZHJgVOK0l0IRKXBXvwUqhoxJWIP9oKO1ukUfR_vCp69-O8fzANAnwuL05Dg5hTJ_Z50agwtOh0Sd81H2p/s320/Jack+Bauer+II.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5290488165737702802" border="0" /></a>It pleases me to the brink of flatulence to report our prognostication was spot-on in many respects, including one key plot element....there actually WAS a boat in this episode and one of the key brutal but humanely necessary torture scenes in the televised plot occurred on or near a boat!!!<br /><br />Following a brisk swim up from the Caribbean sea, an exhausted Jack Bauer beached himself somewhere on the Chesapeake bay shore, where he was arrested by federal agents. After showering and shaving, the 8a-10a episode began with Jack confessing crimes against humanity before a congressional committee, rather than parachuting out over the ocean from a supersonic transcontinental helicopter. But, really, are the two activities much different?<br /><br />We were slightly off in our prediction on the role played by Angus McGyver. But, we earn credit because he was in the program. Did you guys notice who Angus McGyver disguised himself as? Yep! He was Joker Schlecter's big huge bodyguard--the one who had his arm broken by Jack's lovely FBI escort, the striking red headed agent, Jacqueline Bower, played by actress Renee Walker--just before he was put out of his misery and killed by a Chechnyan sniper cleverly named 'Tanner', shooting from a roof across the street.<br /><br />Furthermore, as we predicted, Condi Rice played a crucial role in the episode. What we admittedly missed badly is that she first appeared in the war room as a newly petulant-if not a bit uppity-transgendered and skin-lightened Secretary of State. What we appeared to have missed is not predicting very well the profound effect the hormones would have on her work product and ability to serve President Taylor with timely memo's and position statements. She's become quite the slacker as a man, eh?!<br /><br />We slightly missed on predicting the ending. We approached the 10am hour not with Jack Bauer hiding underwater for hours somewhere in the desolate Carribean ocean, but instead after having captured his BFF, the undeadTony Almeida, who has obviously been assimilated against his wishes into a Chechyan rebel terrorist cell/borg.<br /><br />I'll hurry and get up tonight's <span style="font-weight: bold;">10:00 to noon</span> plot prognostication for you guys, just as soon as I finish flossing my teeth.Bladerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12381208023240553003noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18849993.post-1317863243982073642009-01-12T21:56:00.003+03:002009-01-12T23:52:56.640+03:0024 Plot Prognostication: 8a-10a<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkMDcFd_PjFBxMmL4zrhAcuxJdbTTNx9Okb7T7v5w0ZjZ9ft_N_b8VcPg8iGWOTq2OUciRf6JalS-Cx5IxVXevzQrqokR8-zWD8e1j3FKCP1wS6g4DG8fR34yXng878dSjI_UW/s1600-h/24+main_pic.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 158px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkMDcFd_PjFBxMmL4zrhAcuxJdbTTNx9Okb7T7v5w0ZjZ9ft_N_b8VcPg8iGWOTq2OUciRf6JalS-Cx5IxVXevzQrqokR8-zWD8e1j3FKCP1wS6g4DG8fR34yXng878dSjI_UW/s320/24+main_pic.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5290483361459020610" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">The following will occur between the hours of 8a and 10a:</span><br /><br />When we last saw Jack, he was in eastern Africa, handcuffed and placed with a group of helpless orphans onto the floor of a supersonic helicopter headed to the western hemisphere...where the plans are to shove him out while passing over Cuba to be personally renditioned, interred and tortured at GITMO by Condi Rice, in retribution for ruthlessly violating a direct order by murdering a bunch of corrupt Chinese embassy staff a long time ago because you.just.can't.do.that.to.our.American.friends.<br /><br />I'm guessing that after disabling the entire air crew by shear will power coupled with a steely yet pleading gaze, he hops out of the helicopter somewhere over or around the Lesser Antilles. Where he is plucked from the water by a wandering and seemingly lost band of Chechnyan rebels, cleverly disguised as Guatemalan sport fisherman guides.<br /><br />Their client that day is Angus MacGyver, who, disturbed by recurring homoerotic fantasies involving Murdoc as a woman's shoe salesman, had been living out his life drinking sweet dark rum in a self-imposed Caribbean exile.<br /><br />Well-schooled in American pop-culture, the Chechnyan's plan is to force the grieving MacGyver to construct an intercontinental nuclear missle launcher fashioned from material on board their craft, including a role of duct tape, a 1100 yard spool of 200 lb Jinkai line, three 'C' size Energizer batteries, and two eight foot long Daiwa TD-S Surf Rods.<br /><br />Sensing something is not right, Jack tricks the dullest of the Chechnyans down to the engine compartment. To find out what is going on, he initiates this particular hour's single act of benevolent torture by slowly dripping battery acid up his nostril until, through mental telepathy and Jack's acute deductive powers, he reasons the group must be transporting a 10 megaton Tsar Bomba-like hydrogen bomb device purchased from agents within the former Soviet Union with the assistance of a corrupt midwestern politician, who is also a secret agent for the Serbian Sluzba Drzavne Bezbednosti. We sense he is motivated to seek retribution against the newly elected Madam President.<br /><br />A scuffle ensues. The expendable Angus MacGyver is, finally, put out of his misery to never again appear on American TV. Then the hour ends with Jack deep underwater, holding his breath, until after waiting 4 hours for him to reappear on the surface, the Chechnyans wrongly conclude that he must have certainly perished and steam off to continue their mad plan, albeit slightly moderated. Battery-Acid-Up-the-Nostrils is livid with the rage of unrequited revenge.<br /><br />Of course, we viewers know he'll get another chance.Bladerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12381208023240553003noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18849993.post-54317686984113476632009-01-12T21:48:00.005+03:002009-01-12T21:56:47.196+03:00Revival of the hugely poplular Plot Element Prognostications for 24<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgKaDMXhlWgRVwuUZ9wfuk4Z0qSMC4esLeQrkUcqF-1gJ7lFGgF-Q6pNzFlCdK1CwBFsFZt5kYBANiZ2a6uJxNUMu8rYbJrFPRnMv97mSPkG-THMjMeu4ma4QvubsePV5Qcuig/s1600-h/24+main_pic.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 158px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgKaDMXhlWgRVwuUZ9wfuk4Z0qSMC4esLeQrkUcqF-1gJ7lFGgF-Q6pNzFlCdK1CwBFsFZt5kYBANiZ2a6uJxNUMu8rYbJrFPRnMv97mSPkG-THMjMeu4ma4QvubsePV5Qcuig/s320/24+main_pic.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5290481505441036642" border="0" /></a>At Blader Industries, Inc., we pride ourselves in listening to our customers.<br /><br />Because of a flood of interest, and because the hit TV series has begun again after a long layoff, the Board of Directors at Blader Industries, Inc., has approved my request to revive the <a href="http://bladerindustries.blogspot.com/2007/01/new-product-rollout-announcement-24.html">24 Plot Element Prognostication product</a> that our customers have come to love and enjoy.<br /><br />We'll shortly post our prognostication of the 8a-10a plot, and our evaluation of just how well the actual program followed our prognostication. Then we'll post our prognostication of the 10a-noon plot. And then we'll follow that up. Etc and so forth.<br /><br />Thank you for your interest in Blader Industries, Inc., and our family of wholesome products designed to suit your copulation needs!Bladerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12381208023240553003noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18849993.post-3671056766090781972009-01-11T05:01:00.000+03:002009-01-11T05:02:18.587+03:00Dylan Diversion<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/4q4GWKUOLK4&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/4q4GWKUOLK4&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Bladerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12381208023240553003noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18849993.post-22697487552355243372009-01-09T14:56:00.002+03:002009-01-09T23:24:51.869+03:00Great Moments in Intergooglerogatories: sc I Didn't Know That!!Today, whilst performing vigorous interrgooglerogatories using the search term "<span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">female <a href="http://www.sex-lexis.com/Sex-Dictionary/pudendum">pudendum</a></span>" I stumbled upon a word I never knew: <a href="http://www.merkinworld.com/" target="_blank">merkin</a><br /><br />And then I remembered President Merkin Muffley in Dr. Strangelove, and suddenly, everything made that much more sense.<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/hWP_rEWG2xk&hl=en&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/hWP_rEWG2xk&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Bladerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12381208023240553003noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18849993.post-37033667804064255012008-12-18T02:55:00.003+03:002008-12-18T03:00:36.632+03:00Blader Industries, Inc. Announces New Corporate Theme Song<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGOohBytKTU">Business Time</a><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/WGOohBytKTU&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/WGOohBytKTU&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Bladerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12381208023240553003noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18849993.post-24156632425977209342007-11-13T16:53:00.000+03:002007-11-13T17:00:47.056+03:00Corporate Memo: New Masturbation Training VideoColleagues-<br /><br />One of Blader Industries, Inc. Consulting Group Subsidiary's most profitable activities is advising firms on how to deal with the emotionally charged issue of on the job wanking. Here's a recent production by our training team, one of which I am exceptionally proud. Notice in particular how the office manager defuses a tense situation by allowing everyone in the work group to have their say on the matter.<br /><br /><object height="355" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/O5yQNwu0kTc&rel=1"><param name="wmode" value="transparent"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/O5yQNwu0kTc&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" height="355" width="425"></embed></object>Bladerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12381208023240553003noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18849993.post-50114695994710556222007-10-04T22:33:00.001+03:002007-10-04T22:48:47.796+03:00Paul robbed by Paul campaign worker raising $5million for campaign<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7xjPxF0i6-xWXNpg93Q3jb_Jm6QpmmGNB_AfHsystV4b0uzLFtEOKkgqKdTFEAHM9eD9mUY57aILCK7MGq0P-notgAmbS8bu_pZw4T6_pxIMGlHWsPnJsQ7ZKVux7K6NTMvOb/s1600-h/ron+paul+robbed+by+ron+paul+supporter.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7xjPxF0i6-xWXNpg93Q3jb_Jm6QpmmGNB_AfHsystV4b0uzLFtEOKkgqKdTFEAHM9eD9mUY57aILCK7MGq0P-notgAmbS8bu_pZw4T6_pxIMGlHWsPnJsQ7ZKVux7K6NTMvOb/s320/ron+paul+robbed+by+ron+paul+supporter.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5117567150836806658" border="0" /></a>Colleagues- As the new election season is upon us, I've taken to spending a little time following the goings on.<br /><br />The remarkable Dr. Rep. Ron Paul is running an interesting campaign. <br /><br />His is a grassroots populist program that is supported by the sort of eager, energetic and forward thinking worker with a 'can do it' personality that we value highly here at Blader Industries, Inc.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.dailypaul.com/node/2855">The Dr. Rep. Ron Paul campaign has just announced a milestone $5million has been raised in Q3 to support the campaign of this apparent visionary</a>. This figure is all the more remarkable because they plan to raise the estimated $500 million it will take to get him elected without resorting to taking contributions from corporate interests or their lobbyists.<br /><br />The latter is placing pressures on their workers to find innovative ways to come up with the vast sum of money it will take to make him our next leader. There are unconfirmed reports that they've raided lemonade stands over the summer, and have snuck into the bedrooms of elementary school children to steal their piggy banks. <br /><br />The only confirmed irregularity so far is this image of Dr. Rep. Ron Paul being held up at gunpoint during a recent press conference, by a masked man wearing a Paul for President'08 campaign tee shirt, who demanded he empty his pockets and hand over all the money in his wallet, "for the good of the Ron Paul for President campaign."Bladerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12381208023240553003noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18849993.post-46199961616546466792007-08-24T22:05:00.000+03:002007-08-24T22:16:39.974+03:00Shocking News: Jenna Jameson Implants Stolen<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioQXzQExFWg2EkhEvbEAomn7sAstd7rxlU9PnpBCWSUr001RdsHVUrBmE_tMGyAQGhvHmr-u8xP4NRIJsuOnDVR2yErAP8_SDi-9W60kcZA20q41l_lRmKYCH0mG_gJ-UnnIRf/s1600-h/breast+implants.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioQXzQExFWg2EkhEvbEAomn7sAstd7rxlU9PnpBCWSUr001RdsHVUrBmE_tMGyAQGhvHmr-u8xP4NRIJsuOnDVR2yErAP8_SDi-9W60kcZA20q41l_lRmKYCH0mG_gJ-UnnIRf/s320/breast+implants.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5102346609121792498" border="0" /></a>Colleagues-<br /><br />I approach you today with somber news that the porn star Jenna Jameson's breast implants, <a href="http://www.pantherhouse.com/newshelton/wild-hardcore-reduction-mammaplasty/">which she had surgically removed just a few days ago</a>, have disappeared and are believed stolen.<br /><br />This represents a significant setback to our Copulation Hall of Fame, Co., subsidiary, as our corporate strategy involved using the implants as a 'marquee' item on our "Best Busts in the Business" display at the museum and we paid a princely sum to acquire the property in advance of the procedure.<br /><br />Our Chief Financial Officer is penning a press release at this time, as required by the SEC, that will publicly announce this loss just after the markets close, and will detail our plan to recover the property at all reasonable cost.<br /><br />Until the markets close at 4pm, there shall be no further discussion except amongst yourselves.Bladerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12381208023240553003noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18849993.post-68742321160409340952007-08-17T19:39:00.000+03:002007-08-17T22:11:32.896+03:00Memo: Your Responsibilities and the Employee Health Benefit<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGLfRlI9oqMN8SI4kPyHdF7oGeczcBrmxe4kmdEl3vn_pGzqzjQL8WMsLQhCM6g67NbpSGvklYtWt_cHywhVTT3WlVAEciCIOuxlnsInPxEJMrr34lPoCtUbtmj4fkBDWgxNkp/s1600-h/chautauqua+gear.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGLfRlI9oqMN8SI4kPyHdF7oGeczcBrmxe4kmdEl3vn_pGzqzjQL8WMsLQhCM6g67NbpSGvklYtWt_cHywhVTT3WlVAEciCIOuxlnsInPxEJMrr34lPoCtUbtmj4fkBDWgxNkp/s320/chautauqua+gear.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5099712299520725474" border="0" /></a>Colleagues-<br /><br />Your colleagues in the Health Insurance offices of the Benefits Department of our Human Resources subsidiary have asked that I remind you to be a healthful partner as we endeavor to give you the widest possible health insurance coverage at the lowest possible cost.<br /><br />The degree to which Blader Industries, Inc., colleagues and interns can collectively demonstrate superior good health, is the degree to which we'll be able to expand your health coverage benefit. In fact, this is, in part, how we can 'afford' to offer you insurance coverage against poorly performed accidental breast augmentation procedures, as just one example.<br /><br />It has come to our attention that we have room to improve across all sectors of our conglomerate when it comes to healthful sunbathing hygiene. As you are aware, Blader Industries, Inc., has a generous chautauqua policy, and we are especially delighted at how many times each year our colleagues are given opportunities to chautauqua on sun drenched beaches and golf courses, while conducting official Blader Industries, Inc., business, research, marketing and consulting services.<br /><br />But we've done the calculations and concluded that our health benefit costs can rise sharply if we don't do more to prevent skin damage, including disfiguring cancerous lesions, caused by too much sun exposure while on corporate duty.<br /><br />Therefore, in the style of imaginative solutions you've grown to expect from your crack team of Benefits Specialists, I've followed their recommendation and instructed the staff colleagues in our wholly owned Mail Room subsidiary to distribute to each and every colleague an attractive straw sombrero with which to shade your head, face and shoulders while out on chautauqua.<br /><br />Our male colleagues will additionally receive a smaller sombrero, to be used to shade your sensitive private parts while out in the sun.Bladerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12381208023240553003noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18849993.post-42205962273015704122007-08-16T18:15:00.001+03:002007-08-16T18:45:56.338+03:00Blader Industries, Inc. Rolls out "Conception Day" Product in Russia<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEima1pkOq5a8NSvFaEt42VtnZr1F1xwWNH6Pcr7bLzJswZmgz-iJFC-KmK4iYu_mgZEXjYvJiOY9Xmyy4NLuR3jFeY22h6zUINO4cysSzle2wKYQ84pp5RAgQgraxTBgrimiUaD/s1600-h/trojan+condom.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEima1pkOq5a8NSvFaEt42VtnZr1F1xwWNH6Pcr7bLzJswZmgz-iJFC-KmK4iYu_mgZEXjYvJiOY9Xmyy4NLuR3jFeY22h6zUINO4cysSzle2wKYQ84pp5RAgQgraxTBgrimiUaD/s320/trojan+condom.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5099324506923569618" border="0" /></a><br />Colleagues-<br /><br />It gives me a sense of unbridled flatulence to finally be able to 'take the wraps off' one of Blader Industries, Inc., most exciting new initiatives to date.<br /><br />Some time ago, I was approached in considerable secrecy by representatives from the highest level of the Russian government concerned about their declining birthrates. They asked us to devise a plan to reverse this alarming trend, with the explicit goal of heading off an almost certain population bottleneck if the trend continued.<br /><br />I assigned this task to our crack team of specialists in the wholly-owned Copulation Consulting, Inc., subsidiary, who I'm happy to say has come up with a bangup plan, which the Russian government has adopted from us for a considerable fee.<br /><br />Colleagues, I give you: <a href="http://news.xinhuanet.com/english/2007-08/16/content_6545415.htm">Conception Day</a>!!! On Sept 12 this and every year, Russians will take a <span style="font-weight: bold;">National Copulation Holiday</span>, encouraged to stay home and copulate away!! Any progeny born PRECISELY 9 months later on June 12 will be known as Baby Patriots, and they and their parents will be eligible for any number of prizes and whatnots as an additional incentive to actually copulate, rather than go boating or play golf or whatnot.<br /><br />Because of the high profile nature of this successful campaign, or staff in the wholly-owned Marketing, Inc., subsidiary have come up with a catchy new corporate slogan as the center of our new ad campaign:<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:verdana;" >Blader Industries, Inc., because copulation isn't always a biological imperative</span><br /></div>Bladerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12381208023240553003noreply@blogger.com43tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18849993.post-31753224899852018512007-08-16T17:44:00.000+03:002007-08-17T22:13:18.398+03:00Memo: Nude Blogging Policy<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWt2kQU46bmIkXPKptW-F1QRgB4hY2LGwfLpvT2iZs1N2tQ1wRxgdlTmypQHf30xj8gnNhM4MEdQRqV4IYPCB-KJLDC02VScLd7CbPmXVRyRtJrTzGY70w49jJ5UaKAw-0t-3-/s1600-h/naked_airlines.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWt2kQU46bmIkXPKptW-F1QRgB4hY2LGwfLpvT2iZs1N2tQ1wRxgdlTmypQHf30xj8gnNhM4MEdQRqV4IYPCB-KJLDC02VScLd7CbPmXVRyRtJrTzGY70w49jJ5UaKAw-0t-3-/s320/naked_airlines.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5099313821044937154" border="0" /></a><br />Colleagues-<br /><br />The Board of Directors at Blader Industries, Inc. has deliberated and approved my proposal that all blogging by staff conducted on Mondays be performed while tastefully attired <a href="http://cafephilos.blogspot.com/2007/08/its-monday-time-to-get-naked.html">In The Nude</a>.<br /><br />I encourage all Blader Industries, Inc. staff members to follow that link to acquaint themselves with the philosophy and aims of the program.<br /><br />This directive applies also to staff members en route to chautauqua on Mondays. If you are blogging while in transit, please be sure to do so in the nude.<br /><br />Please file this memo in your personal directory under: Authoritative and Compulsory. This is applicable to all Blader Industry, Inc. employees in all wholly owned and independent subsidiaries of our conglomerate, including those in the horizontally and vertically integrated corporate subsectors.<br /><br />This directive most especially applies to those of you working outside my office in the Executive Suite secretarial pool at One Blader Plaza.<br /><br />If there are any questions or concerns regarding this policy, please make an appointment to see me. As usual, I will continue to follow my non-discriminatory policy of meeting only with female employees on Mondays and only with male employees on Tuesdays.Bladerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12381208023240553003noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18849993.post-86558212807322002732007-08-02T15:36:00.000+03:002007-08-02T17:00:03.909+03:00On the Evolution of Oratorical Style<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgN1xrwiJJZ95UGKTRwz8WOjhqSNHHDuAzpCq9NxIAGFlLCs3vxfRzNjmwUd3CYwUgaFZHacNnTba5ECfb4WKCzH6GuWKBSgpLDloOrdpDu9LWppdYDSkSDH6g9nON6D2YzYVxm/s1600-h/aggressive+gorilla.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgN1xrwiJJZ95UGKTRwz8WOjhqSNHHDuAzpCq9NxIAGFlLCs3vxfRzNjmwUd3CYwUgaFZHacNnTba5ECfb4WKCzH6GuWKBSgpLDloOrdpDu9LWppdYDSkSDH6g9nON6D2YzYVxm/s320/aggressive+gorilla.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5094082549882274034" border="0" /></a>Colleagues-<br /><br />If you've ever read my <a href="http://bladerindustries.blogspot.com/2005/11/faq.html">FAQ</a>, you'll know I was raised by a wild pack of Jesuit scholars. And if there is one thing Jesuit scholars understand, it is oratorical styles. Most especially <span style="font-style: italic;">ethos</span>, figures of speech that are designed to promote ones authority and credentials so that you might be more persuaded by his argument. And it is true, Jesuits will resort to torture until their students understand these details.<br /><br />For example, when I make recommendations for you to live and work by on these pages, my status as a CEO and fearless leader of a major vertically integrated industrial conglomerate carries the weight of authority we all know a CEO must enjoy in his life's station. And you follow my recommendations because you know a CEO wouldn't be a CEO if he didn't have something going for him.<br /><br />If this is not yet clear to you, let me appeal to your more primitive, intuitive intellect. I'm talking about a situation not at all unlike the implied authority of a gorilla thumping his chest in a forest clearing as he asks you to leave his territory so he can copulate in privacy. You recognize, do you not, from the chest thumping, that the gorilla is in a excellent position to kick your ass if you fail to heed his warning call? The gorilla has credentials, and is indicating he is not afraid to use those credentials unless you leave.<br /><br />And so we come to todays point. It appears that another humongous discussion has broken out on the internets following <a href="http://www.parade.com/opencms/opencms/articles/editions/2007/edition_07-29-2007/Intelligence_Report">an article that asks whether readers</a> believe humans (in their present form) and dinosaurs coexisted on the earth.<br /><br />Not infrequently, someone chimes in to defend this completely scientifically disproven but intriguing notion (there are, afterall, movies and TV shows showing dinosaurs and humans together and so it <span style="font-style: italic;">looks</span> possible). And also not infrequently, they begin their defense of this proposition by first pointing out that they have credentials in a scientific or technical field and that you should heed their words knowing their authority.<br /><br />Their first appeal is to your sense of ethos!!! OMG!!! Even creationists understand oratorical style, almost as if they, too, were raised by a wild pack of Jesuit scholars!!!<br /><br />A creationist who is an engineer, who has a master's degree, has a math degree or who is even a math professor is a BIG DEAL in their culture, because it is so rare to have someone who is actualy not horribly mis-educated.<br /><br />I imagine the only thing bigger, in terms of status, than parishioner at a fundamentalist church who is an engineer would be to have a congregation member who's been cured of homosexuality----through the power of prayer, of course--without resorting to drugs, surgery or electroshock therapy. Someone like that would probably even get their own pew all to themselves (just in case they are not really cured and it's contagious).<br /><br />Peroration:<br />And so allow me to conclude this article by saying, do not despair for the apparent numbers of creationist engineers, mathematicians and math professors. There are, in fact, only 12 such individuals but they just seem like there are a lot because they are in such a habit of establishing ethos. Their pastor probably makes them do it no less than 100 times each Sunday after services.<br /><br />For example:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Parishioner:</span> Great sermon by the Pastor today, eh, Fred?"<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Math Professor:</span> Speaking as a Math Professor, yes.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Parishioner: </span>It is <span style="font-style: italic;">so</span> cool that you are on our team and not on the Darwinists side.<br /><br />So don't worry. People who establish their technical skill and then say, "Yes, indeed, I've done the math, there certainly are problems with Darwin's little myth", are just engaged in a style of oratory that goes back well before great human-ape schism of 6,000,000 BC.Bladerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12381208023240553003noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18849993.post-6632693190453414512007-07-25T17:06:00.000+03:002007-07-25T17:50:52.514+03:00Looming Battle in Global War on Evolution<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimNGWbWDmfi8NakZ2zGLybz1dPJ-XGNth-f2D5Xz9_ZiRPD3E8G3n2gYvv0RcdJkVteBNJA9LG4M0FcIRcwGquZ700_LILwrtBnZg8k1p0KgLQzyi4fu_d0ZqDLRsaTW6oP_fH/s1600-h/bonobo9yg.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimNGWbWDmfi8NakZ2zGLybz1dPJ-XGNth-f2D5Xz9_ZiRPD3E8G3n2gYvv0RcdJkVteBNJA9LG4M0FcIRcwGquZ700_LILwrtBnZg8k1p0KgLQzyi4fu_d0ZqDLRsaTW6oP_fH/s320/bonobo9yg.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5091139668355825890" border="0" /></a>As we all know from extensive 'scientific' research, the bonobo is the quirky, peaceful, almost hippie-like great ape species. Not known to engage in hostilities or violence, the scientific picture paints the bonobo as a fun loving animal possessesing an unquenchable sexual appetite--including a remarkable predilection to copulate incessantly, commit felatio, genital rubbing, masturbation, et cetera and so forth and so on. The Alfred E. Newman of the great apes, the bonobo hasn't a worry in the world and isn't afraid to show it in front of even casual observers!<br /><br />This idea resonates strongly among humans, who have the remarkable cognitive ability to understand their limitations, but are less equipped to do something about it. What robust adolescent human male doesn't look at this and beg, "Why couldn't I have been born a bonobo?" And what head of state, upon declaring war against another country, hasn't paused to wish that if only Saddam Hussein was more like an irrepressible bonobo, none of this would be necessary.<br /><br />And so the story goes. <br /><br />And the evolutionists would tell you that if we can only understand the bonobo, scientifically speaking, we could get in touch with our true inner selves. From scientific study, we could learn from these 'cousins' from the Congolese jungles about not only our origins, but also how to behave better ourselves. The agenda of these evolutionists also implies that if we just knew what the bonobo knows, and could put it into practice, we wouldn't have need for corporations that service the defense sectors, or those such as Blader Industries, Inc., a vertically integrated conglomerate of enterprises and concerns that collectively operates on the principle that copulation among humans is more difficult to achieve, but must be encouraged, as no less than the survival of our species is at stake!<br /><br />Well, it can by disturbing for some to occasionally see tidy scientific theories disturbed by such things as useful data, or by scientists compelled to establish the ecological veracity of previous work. But sure enough, <a href="http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2007/07/30/070730fa_fact_parker?printable=true">there are people out there</a> who think bonobo society in the wild is a bit more complicated than the picture of bonobo society that has been drawn mostly from observations of well-fed and cared for bonobo groups housed in comfortable suburban facilities and zoological parks. <br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="text-decoration: underline;"></span>Bladerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12381208023240553003noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18849993.post-81748253375946173052007-07-14T15:14:00.000+03:002007-07-14T16:23:47.654+03:00How to tell the difference between Richard Branson and myself<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiENd9VXr-dnbMBOTo1mgDZhJXzaP_SQ4CIepaggJTyytwE__e2H_bNiLcijrFaQ3BVWMIMw5YDIP12vEbhHV2sYG5daROa7fK4IpBosgBenGx9_bEv_6MI12WafJr5-vv0DcM0/s1600-h/lorraine.zander_richard.branson.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiENd9VXr-dnbMBOTo1mgDZhJXzaP_SQ4CIepaggJTyytwE__e2H_bNiLcijrFaQ3BVWMIMw5YDIP12vEbhHV2sYG5daROa7fK4IpBosgBenGx9_bEv_6MI12WafJr5-vv0DcM0/s320/lorraine.zander_richard.branson.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5087025408014901010" border="0" /></a>Colleagues-<br /><br />Not infrequently, I'm approached for autographs in hotel lobbies, airport bars, corporate washrooms, and any number of other public places. And I'm always happy to comply.<br /><br />But not infrequently, I catch a look of disappointment when returning the signed item, as the fan suddenly realizes they've mistaken me for a certain someone else.<br /><br />"I bet you were expecting Richard Branson?" I'd lead.<br /><br />"Yes," they'd admit, weakly.<br /><br />"He's also extremely photogenic," I'd begin, "with a goatee, a wicked, knowing smile, a virile head of strawberry blond hair, and that certain sense about him that you only see in tycoons. Tycoon magnetism"<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS7YdZnMPuGWQ91q-XPp4YBQqzpGoGsXdxEdHR-vTVJOds4TnbzICO_NPNa6mWysJSblvYymqFrprYJSs5iroAtzvGRFsAn9RLX9DFOmZ6KcakQla2xzhkVr4PSL9mTvrwFcz3/s1600-h/bond_21_branson1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS7YdZnMPuGWQ91q-XPp4YBQqzpGoGsXdxEdHR-vTVJOds4TnbzICO_NPNa6mWysJSblvYymqFrprYJSs5iroAtzvGRFsAn9RLX9DFOmZ6KcakQla2xzhkVr4PSL9mTvrwFcz3/s320/bond_21_branson1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5087032503300874018" border="0" /></a>Invariably the fan apologizes and attempt to retreat quickly, "Yes, yes, all that. Look, I'm very sorry to have taken your time, I need to get to my gate....." But these moments are an opportunity to 'provide a general lesson' and make a new fan of the Blader brand.<br /><br />"Well, you thought I was Richard Branson but only now realize I don't really look a thing like him, right."<br /><br />"Yes, now that you mention it, how could I be so stupid?"<br /><br />I'd go on, "Look, I won't take much of your time other than to say that you were <span style="font-style: italic;">very</span> close. Your instincts are spot on. Because we are both tycoons, Richard Branson and I <span style="font-style: italic;">are</span> alike in many ways. The only reason he isn't mistaken for me when he is in airports is because he owns his own airline and is closely associated with that brand, and quite frankly, wouldn't be caught dead in this rinky-dink airport lounge. "<br /><br />Invariably, the fan looks rather pensive and anxious by this point, saying "Yes, that makes sense. Look, I really need to catch my...."<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG6nYVA2dXsLkRAQ4D53RbgkIfPV5vJu_gPiDdPGxisgm_Nx6S7aeHCH7n286JX58Hn-KuaahyVM1d5fqx82TjGe4HEOQBjwcDmEwOlHjkjyFdA4ycL_MjgFykjRk_u_9olcdI/s1600-h/Richard-Branson-nicky+greenwall.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG6nYVA2dXsLkRAQ4D53RbgkIfPV5vJu_gPiDdPGxisgm_Nx6S7aeHCH7n286JX58Hn-KuaahyVM1d5fqx82TjGe4HEOQBjwcDmEwOlHjkjyFdA4ycL_MjgFykjRk_u_9olcdI/s320/Richard-Branson-nicky+greenwall.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5087032876963028802" border="0" /></a><br />"So," I'd interrupt, "you want to know the most simple way to tell the difference between myself and Richard Branson?"<br /><br />"ah, sure, why not?"<br /><br />"If I was Richard Branson, I'd be lifting that cocktail waitress over there, hold her over the threshold, and sorta wait for people to come by and take pictures of us. Richard Branson just loves lifting beautiful women, especially models and real estate agents, whereas I can't possibly do something lik that because of L1-L2 fusion surgery I had after an old quarry diving accident. That's probably the biggest difference between us."<br /><br /> <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSoV3CotiYv7XqWOD1dUB_3wap0FVzRWPhW2_fmHMrMa8548QP3wjQLWWARWHwW8Q84OTTBlnUU8ZngFiU1vpwTu4Rsvd8K5NCIdskkwgnQ9kLKfinbquJPlxoC7JtCcqU1mmI/s1600-h/branson1.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSoV3CotiYv7XqWOD1dUB_3wap0FVzRWPhW2_fmHMrMa8548QP3wjQLWWARWHwW8Q84OTTBlnUU8ZngFiU1vpwTu4Rsvd8K5NCIdskkwgnQ9kLKfinbquJPlxoC7JtCcqU1mmI/s320/branson1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5087041767545331538" border="0" /></a>Bladerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12381208023240553003noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18849993.post-33992586091417876112007-07-13T15:07:00.000+03:002007-07-13T15:34:38.407+03:00What would Richard Branson do?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbAAD_LBbHZ-x_x0TfoY3f6T9nx-BRXsAl3T9-k_9n52iCItPynDBvLM2AI7COZ1dj5B26xYihHJ7kBvmgq7fLGtzwC9Es4gKoQdjcJN6S9slfaagtTied3nipiLHzHAtHYPHk/s1600-h/richard+branson.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbAAD_LBbHZ-x_x0TfoY3f6T9nx-BRXsAl3T9-k_9n52iCItPynDBvLM2AI7COZ1dj5B26xYihHJ7kBvmgq7fLGtzwC9Es4gKoQdjcJN6S9slfaagtTied3nipiLHzHAtHYPHk/s320/richard+branson.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5086654159631769330" border="0" /></a><br />There comes a time in every CEO's life when s/he faces a moral dilemma, a moment when he can either man up and take an ethically challenging situation head on, or punt the issue and deflect the slime storm elsewhere, hoping it sticks, like, on the CEO's grandson or nephew or the homeless guy who spends all day in the park across the street.<br /><br />When facing these crossroads, when trying to decide what would be the right thing to do, over the years I've learned to pause and ask, "What would Richard Branson do?"<br /><br />Without any question, Richard Branson and I are not unlike in many ways. In fact, he and I are often mistaken for each other in airport bars, hotel lobbies and corporate washrooms. Like myself, Richard Branson is an irrepressible goateed founder, CEO and head visionary of a vertically integrated multinational conglomerate of horizontally positioned subsidiaries, divisions, chapters and whatnot. Both of our sources of wisdom, fame and wealth are somewhat elusive to the casual reader.<br /><br />So, let me assure my colleagues and also the Board of Directors at Blader Industries, Inc., that were I to post anonymously on the internets, I would do so as myself, <a href="http://www.smartmoney.com/bn/smw/index.cfm?story=20070712105705">and not anonymously and certainly not using a clumsy, sophomoric anagram of Mrs. Blader's name</a>. Unlike John Mackey, the CEO of Whole Foods, Inc., Richard Branson and I know that great privilege, and responsibility, comes with the CEO title.Bladerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12381208023240553003noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18849993.post-59596802773693084392007-06-14T17:35:00.000+03:002007-07-13T15:36:13.414+03:00Southern baptists place global warming blame squarely on earth<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbbW7s5N9pYqsLlUWuvOb_1Hs6jlexikDWKnY6DVeF6CT7K9kLqSUjCEn3XAjl3u9H3WK4Lyh4YMxaFTXhCHvf2LT-tU57lBWG7hjZbUWnXQckmR7_beuejve-1KBa-5mgMgGp/s1600-h/head-in-sand.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbbW7s5N9pYqsLlUWuvOb_1Hs6jlexikDWKnY6DVeF6CT7K9kLqSUjCEn3XAjl3u9H3WK4Lyh4YMxaFTXhCHvf2LT-tU57lBWG7hjZbUWnXQckmR7_beuejve-1KBa-5mgMgGp/s320/head-in-sand.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5086659300707622658" border="0" /></a><br />The Southern Baptist convention, the largest denomination of evangelical christians anywhere, have just <a href="http://www.sbc.net/redirect.asp?url=http://www.bpnews.net/">issued a statement</a> that blames the earth for global warming and absolves humans, but not scientists, from any sins attributable to poor stewardship of the planet.<br /><br />T<span class="Normal"><span class="Normal"><span class="normal">he resolution says the “record shows that global temperature has risen and fallen cyclically throughout geologic history” and that "there is absolutely no reason to think that the earth isn't playing tricks on God's creation once again."<br /><br />The resolution continues to make the extraordinarily precise statement that says, "the scientific community is divided regarding the extent to which humans are responsible for recent global warming. If anybody has sinned, its the beady-eyed Darwinists with their false idolatry and secular humanism and whatnot and so forth. "<br /><br />Finally, the resolution finished by stating, "Christians are called by God to exhibit dominion over the earth, and if it gets too warm, not that we think it will, it will be our job to pray to God to let Him know it is time lower the temperature and that should fix the problem."<br /></span></span></span>Bladerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12381208023240553003noreply@blogger.com73tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18849993.post-51575167200586989132007-06-07T22:32:00.000+03:002007-06-07T23:02:04.177+03:00How to know when too much copulation is too much?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeEICl0p0OvxmjJMpKGJLerlpZfaLd0XVB-U9uflx2pcEe50XDO2gNBGtL9ZTmwQ337_JySgn66KdxpWxMZjqeJKwhtb-zOPKS5s_6pnNF9rr1Uasvs7wQMgMP0ALG5y2SKVmT/s1600-h/fly+sex.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeEICl0p0OvxmjJMpKGJLerlpZfaLd0XVB-U9uflx2pcEe50XDO2gNBGtL9ZTmwQ337_JySgn66KdxpWxMZjqeJKwhtb-zOPKS5s_6pnNF9rr1Uasvs7wQMgMP0ALG5y2SKVmT/s320/fly+sex.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073408194878180962" border="0" /></a>Whenever conducting public information forums, it never fails that someone in the audience stands up during the question and answer session to inquire, "Blader, when I'm copulating, how do I know when it is a good time to stop?"<br /><br />It is a great question.<br /><br />And the answer is usually, "I dunno. How do you know its time to go to bed? I mean, you just know, right?"<br /><br />Well, truth be told, that answer always bothered me. It seems intuitively obvious, but at the same time, is dismounting behavior truly intuitive and is it really like knowing if its bedtime?<br /><br />So, I got my boys on it.<br /><br />Now, thanks to the tireless effort of a crack team of researchers funded by Blader Industries, Inc., now we know<span style="font-style: italic;"> how</span> we know when the moment to stop is just right. And, it turns out, the same genes in your bodies that regulate your awake and sleep cycles, the genes that say when to go to sleep and when to wake, those controlling your 'circadian rhythms', are also<a href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2004-08/cp-ccg081704.php"> the same genes that tell you when it is time to dismount</a> following a robust copulatory burst!!<br /><br />Of course, its fascinating to consider the ramifications of this study. Specifically those showing that a male fruit fly with mutations in clock genes will copulate, on average, 30-50% LONGER than his non-mutant colleague. <br /><br />And isn't ironic that one of these genes happens to have been called, 'period' long before its involvement in copulatory behavior was discovered?<br /><br />Unfortunately, a mutation in 'period' only prolongs male copulatory endurance. The same mutation in females has no effect. Let's hope there is a work around for that one.<br /><br />Oh! This one has so many possibilities!Bladerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12381208023240553003noreply@blogger.com1