Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Jim Rutz Shoots for Straights: Declares Economic Jihad on Heartland

Colleagues- I'm pleased to the point of flatulence that my good friend and fellow intellectual visionary Jim Rutz has chosen to release and discuss his key research findings that prove without any controversy whatsoever that Soy is making kids 'gay'.

This groundbreaking work convincingly demonstrates that devilish estrogen-like chemicals in soybean products cause COMPLETELY NORMAL children to have many, many feminine characteristics, including small penises!!! Naturally, these traits are the key hallmarks of deviant homosexuals and have been extremely difficult to eradicate from our species using only selective breeding programs.

Well, duh! Now we know why!!!

Worse, soy products are proven DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for a vicious cancer outbreak, notably leukemia in children, who if they survive are destined to grow up to be gay. It is impossible to imagine anything more horrible than to have a child who survives cancer only to grow up and choose to be a homosexual.

Thankfully, Jim's research shows that soy sauce is perfectly safe because, "it's fermented, which changes its molecular structure." Before we move into the heartland to tear every soybean plant from the soil and burn them in a collective hellfire, we should calculate how many plants will be necessary to produce enough soy sauce for all those delicious. low priced and convenient Chinese dishes we have learned to enjoy.

If I'm not already on record with respect to this matter, suffice it to say that nothing threatens the continued vigor and growth of the copulation industry sector than homosexuality. And nothing threatens the fate of humanity, than a threat to copulation: As St. Paul should have said but apparently forgot, Nos concubitus proinde nos futurus.

We must NEVER forget what happened to the passenger pigeon!!

Since that fateful day when man first gave up his baculum so that God could create woman, oh! what I would give to have been there, he has endeavored tirelessly for well over 6,000 years to keep the 'black sheep' out of the human family. And with his gifts of knowledge, man eventually deduced this could be achieved by not copulating with pigmented women.

Good enough.

Now, thanks to Jim Rutz, we have a potent weapon to keep pink sheep out of our families: the soy-free diet plan, except for soy sauce. We will confidently enjoy watching all of our progeny grow up as white as they should be, completely free from worry they might turn into homosexuals. Not only that, we shake off this crucial threat to the propagation of our species!!!

In closing, I would like to simply encourage you to go to his website and read the Humble Autobiography of Jim Rutz. It is a truly remarkable, inspiring and deeply thrilling story. What an interesting man!! What a humble man!!!

If I had but one small criticism, its that I'd like for him to share some reflection and remembrance of his days as a zygote. Boy! Would that have been interesting!!

But, there I go into my petty "critique" mode again...LOL!! Truly, as he says, his influence is "accelerating faster and faster." I'd also be redundant if I said any more about him, so I think I'll slow down and stop and finish there.

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