Friday, August 24, 2007

Shocking News: Jenna Jameson Implants Stolen


I approach you today with somber news that the porn star Jenna Jameson's breast implants, which she had surgically removed just a few days ago, have disappeared and are believed stolen.

This represents a significant setback to our Copulation Hall of Fame, Co., subsidiary, as our corporate strategy involved using the implants as a 'marquee' item on our "Best Busts in the Business" display at the museum and we paid a princely sum to acquire the property in advance of the procedure.

Our Chief Financial Officer is penning a press release at this time, as required by the SEC, that will publicly announce this loss just after the markets close, and will detail our plan to recover the property at all reasonable cost.

Until the markets close at 4pm, there shall be no further discussion except amongst yourselves.


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