Friday, August 17, 2007

Memo: Your Responsibilities and the Employee Health Benefit


Your colleagues in the Health Insurance offices of the Benefits Department of our Human Resources subsidiary have asked that I remind you to be a healthful partner as we endeavor to give you the widest possible health insurance coverage at the lowest possible cost.

The degree to which Blader Industries, Inc., colleagues and interns can collectively demonstrate superior good health, is the degree to which we'll be able to expand your health coverage benefit. In fact, this is, in part, how we can 'afford' to offer you insurance coverage against poorly performed accidental breast augmentation procedures, as just one example.

It has come to our attention that we have room to improve across all sectors of our conglomerate when it comes to healthful sunbathing hygiene. As you are aware, Blader Industries, Inc., has a generous chautauqua policy, and we are especially delighted at how many times each year our colleagues are given opportunities to chautauqua on sun drenched beaches and golf courses, while conducting official Blader Industries, Inc., business, research, marketing and consulting services.

But we've done the calculations and concluded that our health benefit costs can rise sharply if we don't do more to prevent skin damage, including disfiguring cancerous lesions, caused by too much sun exposure while on corporate duty.

Therefore, in the style of imaginative solutions you've grown to expect from your crack team of Benefits Specialists, I've followed their recommendation and instructed the staff colleagues in our wholly owned Mail Room subsidiary to distribute to each and every colleague an attractive straw sombrero with which to shade your head, face and shoulders while out on chautauqua.

Our male colleagues will additionally receive a smaller sombrero, to be used to shade your sensitive private parts while out in the sun.

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