Our fearless leader needs our help. No, not me. Our other fearless leader...the handsome fearless leader of our great nation.
No doubt acting on slam dunk intelligence that terrorists who seek to come out of our closets and kill our families, President George Dubya Bush would like to read our mail, so he can catch the evil doers, who apparently are no longer using the internets, or telephones, and are now communicating and planning great acts of evil through the US postal service.
Therefore, from this moment forward, I'm instructing all Colleagues at Blader Industries, Inc., to forward all of their mail on a daily basis and until further notice to our other fearless leader so he can catch any terrorists seeking to open lines of communications with us.
This official corporate instruction is directed at all of my colleagues, including past, present and future employees at all corporate affiliates, subsidiaries, subdivisions, outposts, sheep ranches, golf courses and neighborhood lemonade stands, and including any other interested parties, associates, corporate spies, legal teams, and especially including any and all fellow jihadists or alliance members who may be reading this accidentally on purpose:
Send your daily mail, including any unsolicited junk mail (I can just see the evil doers making fake junk mail) to:
Mr. President of the United States George Dubya Bush
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20500
Don't forget to include a SASE so he can return your mail after he's done reading it.