Dear Colleagues Memo v1.03: New Mail Policy

Colleagues-

Our fearless leader needs our help. No, not me. Our other fearless leader...the handsome fearless leader of our great nation.

No doubt acting on slam dunk intelligence that terrorists who seek to come out of our closets and kill our families, President George Dubya Bush would like to read our mail, so he can catch the evil doers, who apparently are no longer using the internets, or telephones, and are now communicating and planning great acts of evil through the US postal service.

Therefore, from this moment forward, I'm instructing all Colleagues at Blader Industries, Inc., to forward all of their mail on a daily basis and until further notice to our other fearless leader so he can catch any terrorists seeking to open lines of communications with us.

This official corporate instruction is directed at all of my colleagues, including past, present and future employees at all corporate affiliates, subsidiaries, subdivisions, outposts, sheep ranches, golf courses and neighborhood lemonade stands, and including any other interested parties, associates, corporate spies, legal teams, and especially including any and all fellow jihadists or alliance members who may be reading this accidentally on purpose:

Send your daily mail, including any unsolicited junk mail (I can just see the evil doers making fake junk mail) to:

Mr. President of the United States George Dubya Bush
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20500

Don't forget to include a SASE so he can return your mail after he's done reading it.

Dear Colleagues Memo v1.02: Censorship

It has come to my attention that certain of our middle managers, a self-styled group of moderators, have appointed themselves as "de facto" corporate censors, inserting themselves into the free speech patterns of our many, many corporate colleagues and associates.

A few of these latter colleagues and associates have, with great trepidation, visited me in the penthouse suite at One Blader Plaza, to inform me of this situation and to share with me their deep concerns that they no longer feel free to speak within our halls with an open mind.

Let me simply say from the outset in no uncertain terms, that OUR OFFICIAL corporate policy is one of openess and complete unfettered access to YOUR right of free speech. Bluntly, I do not wish to receive the streams of your important and vital memoranda filtered through the hate speech of other colleagues and associates who believe they can speak better for you. If I wanted that, I would fire YOU and hire only THEM, perhaps even give them suites with private washrooms and other accoutrements in the high style to which we all have become accustomed given the exhuberance of the marketplace for our corporate value!

I'm certain it hasn't escaped your attention as to exactly what we might become as a society if we sat by idly while the censors, representing a dominant ruling class, itself full of fetid and mysogenistic prejudices, executed a complete grab on political and military power. It would be an awful calamity, as all you could offer for resistance is nothing more than a silent scream.

And so as to embolden you, I asked our crack team of historians at Blader Industries, Inc. to provide some historical documentation that the forces of evil can be stopped by those who are willing to speak up.

They sent me this most remarkable photograph of gentlemen representing a small platoon of moderators of a fascist state running down the street of an eastern European ghetto. And who were they running from, you might ask? They were running for their lives from the forces of unfettered freedom!!!!

So join me, in proclaiming, I'M MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!

After a short break, I expect that you'll return to your duties.