Saturday, November 18, 2006

Meet our new Chief of Meteorological Services

Colleagues-It tickles me to the point of flatulence to announce that Blader Industries, Inc., has dipped its toes into the cool pond of the past to leap into the hot fires of the future in hiring our new Corporate Chief of Meterological Services, Mr. Jimmy Inhofe.

As past-chair of the US Senate chautauqua on the environment and trade, Jimmy assures me that he knows a whole heck of a lot about climatology, and better yet, isn't afraid of telling people all about EXACTLY what he knows.

Jimmy comes from a long line of men who know something about air, air quality, and especially hot air. In fact, when he first stepped into my office, I couldn't shake the uncanny resemblance he shares with Herr Reichsmarshall Hermann Goering, quite an airman himself back in his glory days!!! So in tribute, we had our crack team of photographers make a very special corporate ID/Access badge just for him.

Well, we couldn't be more fortunate to have someone like Jimmy on our staff. He completes us in ways I haven't felt since we hired on Madge, our bonobo queen.

His role is to advise all Blader Industries, Inc., colleagues on their long term climatological projection needs. At this very moment, Jimmy is consulting with me on a parcel of Alaskan glacier ski property I'm looking to purchase for those special summer weekend getaway staff rewards.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Dear Colleagues Memo v1.02: Censorship

It has come to my attention that certain of our middle managers, a self-styled group of moderators, have appointed themselves as "de facto" corporate censors, inserting themselves into the free speech patterns of our many, many corporate colleagues and associates.

A few of these latter colleagues and associates have, with great trepidation, visited me in the penthouse suite at One Blader Plaza, to inform me of this situation and to share with me their deep concerns that they no longer feel free to speak within our halls with an open mind.

Let me simply say from the outset in no uncertain terms, that OUR OFFICIAL corporate policy is one of openess and complete unfettered access to YOUR right of free speech. Bluntly, I do not wish to receive the streams of your important and vital memoranda filtered through the hate speech of other colleagues and associates who believe they can speak better for you. If I wanted that, I would fire YOU and hire only THEM, perhaps even give them suites with private washrooms and other accoutrements in the high style to which we all have become accustomed given the exhuberance of the marketplace for our corporate value!

I'm certain it hasn't escaped your attention as to exactly what we might become as a society if we sat by idly while the censors, representing a dominant ruling class, itself full of fetid and mysogenistic prejudices, executed a complete grab on political and military power. It would be an awful calamity, as all you could offer for resistance is nothing more than a silent scream.

And so as to embolden you, I asked our crack team of historians at Blader Industries, Inc. to provide some historical documentation that the forces of evil can be stopped by those who are willing to speak up.

They sent me this most remarkable photograph of gentlemen representing a small platoon of moderators of a fascist state running down the street of an eastern European ghetto. And who were they running from, you might ask? They were running for their lives from the forces of unfettered freedom!!!!

So join me, in proclaiming, I'M MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!

After a short break, I expect that you'll return to your duties.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Dad, get me out of this!!!

"Somehow I got stuck.....and I'm down on my luck....."

Reminds me of a time when I was 17, out on my very first wilderness expedition chautauqua in the mountains, thousands of miles away from home. After three weeks in the hills, eating only dried food and whatever trout we could catch, I came down to a little valley town, where I frittered away my greyhound bus money on a 3 day pizza, poptart and beer binge.

I had just enough left over to call dad, who wired me a Western Union cashiers check, just enough to find my way back home.

It is a good thing that a father can save the son. So seeing 41 save the sorry ass of 43 reminds me exactly of my first great adventure away from home. But not precisely.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

My Interview of JDerion on National TV

As you can see, I think it went well, even though he was typically evasive when directly questioned on certain 'matters'.