Colleagues, you may have heard that I've been banned from the Hall of Fame. Allegedly their collective will, according to JDerion, who no doubt spearheaded the campaign against me. I'm fine with that. I really didn't ever "aspire" or even perspire to be in the Hall of Fame. The notoriety might have put me in a higher class for royalty income proceeds, but other than that, it would have just been another chautauqua in a long line of chautauquas to attend.
Nevertheless, I was counting on that income and had budgeted accordingly. So the news that I won't make it is a call to make some adjustments in my personal financial situaiton.
Besides my health, I suppose my next greatest asset would have to be my extensive collection of sports memorabilia. So I've decided to sell it all off to raise some funds, and if I raise enough money, I might even give a third of it to the United Nations, an idea I'm sure has never wandered into the mind of Pete Rose.
To enhance the value of my collection, I've made a strategic decision to autograph the whole lot of it!! I hope the auction goes well. Bid fast and furiously, as if the future of the world depended upon it.