Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Dealing with Disgruntled Employees
It is always a great challenge, I can tell you that. And I can't say that I've got the "one-size-fits-all-of-them- all-of-the-time-usually" answer, either. And fortunately its rare at our conglomerate. But we see it from time to time.
Take Mabs, for instance. She was a down on her luck bonobo, well, maybe "down on her luck" isn't the best way to describe her. Let's just say she was spinning her wheels, eeking out a sustenance existence, copulating with just about whoever and whatever wandered along, on a quiet Congo River tributary, when she was discovered by a crack team of our talent agents out on an African expedition chautauqua.
They enticed her to come back with them by offering her, along with a bucket of fresh tropical fruits, the standard, generous compensation package all of our colleagues receive, including a windowed office at our corporate headquarters, One Blader Plaza. So it's not as if we simply captured her. Mabs came willingly, and the only reason she was transported back in a cage was so as not to get stuck in a long line at immigration after the flight.
After she got here, things got much better for her than our scouts first assumed. Unbeknownst to them, I was working on the PLAYBONOBO concept and it was immediately obvious to me that, with professional air brushing, she would be perfect as our inaugural issue centerfold Playbonobomate!!
Boom! Our first issue is out and now she is a rising star, and I'm told the folks over at the National Enquirer have made some calls and are interested in doing a half-page interview with her!
Well, Mabs called up to my office this morning and somewhat brusquely demanded a meeting, which we've just finished. It didn't go well. She walked in the door, and defecated into her hand saying, "Ooh, ooh, oh, ooh-ooh" which roughly translated means, "If you don't renegotiate my contract, I'm going to fling this pile of shaz all over your curtains."
Can you believe that?