Bush Finally Appoints New War 'Czar'

The Bush administration finally found someone who would agree to serve as their new war 'Czar', responsible for directing and overseeing all military operations currently being waged by US armed forces everywhere.

He is Pvt First Class Unknown Soldier, purported to be a highly experienced veteran first discovered in the Pacific theater by the noted WWII photographer Frank Pataye.

"We finally found someone we can blame the entire war on if things continue to go as poorly as they appear to be going," said White House spokesman Tony Snow, who added, "it is a brilliant solution to the problem and shows just how willing this President is willing to think outside the box in his campaign to bring peace and stability to the middle east."

Asked why no soldiers of higher rank, or anyone but unknown soldiers, were willing to step forward for the job, Mr. Snow would only say, "This administration values our appointees enthusiasm for the job, and if they are also qualified, we've always considered that to be a bonus."

Pvt First Class Unknown Soldier can't be found so is unavailable for comment.

New Product Rollout: Shock Collar for Diplomats

Colleagues-

Forgive my absence. I've been out on chautauqua, bought a new puppy, and have been absolutely consumed by our latest product roll out, which represents a move by Blader Industries, Inc., into an entirely new business niche: Technology and devices designed to keep employees, coworkers or others you need to dominate "on content" and "on message."

The device works exactly like the ones you see in the dog parks. They are programmed to discharge 16.8965 MJoules of concentrated energy either on cue, or remotely, if the subject wearing the device "strays" from any protocol that YOU establish.

Yes, indeed. You probably noticed that none other than US Secretary of State Condi Rice was wearing one during her recent high level discussions with members of the Syrian administration. Yes indeed, you can conclude from this that the US White House, under the auspices of Generalissimo Karl Rove, are on board with Blader Industries, Inc., in our test marketing phase and likely will be our first major customer.

And Yes Indeed! If Her Excellenciness Ms. Rice even whispers, "our administration seeks disentanglement from your region in the worst possible way" even once during her discussions, the device will emit a brief, audible tone and then drop her to the floor like a bag of cement!!

She won't dare stray ever again.

I promise you, this will work. I've seen it happen to dogs that bark or try to eat a pile of poop made by one of their buddies.